“When we see an iceberg, we see only about 10% of the iceberg above the water. The other 90% of the iceberg is underneath the water. Yes, we have to go THAT deep to get the coolness and refreshment our souls so desperately need.” – Timothy J. Verret
Deep waters call out to what is deeper still…
– Psalm 42:7
I’ve always wanted to be a fly on the wall so I can hear what others are saying about me, if they are saying anything at all. As that fly, I would probably hear things like, “Oh, Timothy, a little bit nuts, I would say,” or “Timothy is awesome! He cares so much about animals and he speaks up for them every chance he gets.” But I think the one I would most often get from others as a fly is, “Dang, that Timothy is SOOOO deep.” Thanks for the compliment! That said, it’s not easy being a “deep person,” I can tell you that much. No one likes to go too deep or that deep, right? But what if the quote above about the iceberg is really about us? What if we do have to go that 90% deep for the “good stuff?” I had sent this iceberg quote to a dear friend, and his response was, “But how deep do I have to go?” My reply was, “As deep as is necessary and comfortable for you to get the healing you need.” Yes, that sounds about right, and that is why I would like to expound upon all this, i.e., go THAT deep.
What are you afraid of by going THAT deep? THAT you might not come back from THAT deep? THAT you might lose your mind in the process? THAT what you find will be so painful, you won’t be able to go on? Yep, been there, still do THAT. But what if THAT deep is where THAT gold is (sorry, iceberg, I know you’re not made of gold, not really)? THAT gold that (I am NOT going to capitalize that “THAT!”) shines for all to see, including you? Don’t you wanna take that chance to get THAT gold? I know I’m willing (and often, that is all it takes) to get THAT gold.
Speaking of “willing,” I am currently working the Celebrate Recovery Program, which is basically a 12-step program that incorporates Jesus Christ as that Higher Power the steps talk about. I am at step 8 and 9, which is about asking for forgiveness from those who hurt me and making amends to those I hurt. We’re talking about some serious deep here that is not going to be that easy, but I AM willing and that kind of deep is all it takes. ‘That deep” I’m referring to here is going to be me showing up to tell those who hurt me, “I forgive you,” and showing up to tell those who I hurt, “Please forgive me.” It’s that simple….and THAT deep.
I wonder if the Psalm verse I listed above was written for those who seek “THAT deeper still?” Those who are in some kind of recovery program (aren’t we all?) who are seeking to live life free of anger, resentment, shame, guilt, all those things that keep us down and keep us in cages of our own making? When we hear the word, “recovery,” we probably think of addiction and going to meetings and maybe even selling one’s soul, and there is some truth to that to an extent. But don’t we ALL have an addiction or two that deserves a meeting or selling a soul? Mine might look like alcohol and codependency and suicidal thoughts, but yours might look like overeating, “married to your phone and/or computer,” escaping that deep iceberg pain. Don’t we ALL fall into categories of addictions, whether they be little ones, medium ones, and big ones? If this is true, and I think it is, then, yes, indeed, we must ALL go THAT deep.
I have no earthly idea nor earthly expectations what it will be like to forgive those who hurt me and make amends to those who I hurt. The whole, “how is this going to go?” is God’s Work. It’s Holy Spirit Help. It’s Jesus having already paid in full the ransom for the forgiveness that God has already afforded me and that I can afford others. I can tell you one thing: The forgiveness sought of others will be way easier than the forgiveness I must give myself. That one, right there, is the kicker and will undoubtedly be the one that comes with the most pain and prayerfully the most healing. I am also praying that I can forgive myself FIRST before I go the route of forgiving others NEXT. The reason I say this is because I don’t want to go asking for forgiveness of others to find that it is going to be superficial, “hollow,” simply because I have not forgiven myself FIRST. How on God’s Green Earth am I going to forgive myself? Once again, God’s Work, Holy Spirit Help, Jesus’ Sacrifice. That’s how.
As always, I invite you to go THAT deep with me. You don’t have to be in a recovery program of any kind to go THAT deep. You can just say to yourself, “Hey, that Timothy is willing to go THAT deep to get him some healing. Maybe I’ll try it, too?” That is that kind of THAT deep that is all it takes to get you some healing, too.
I pray for you just like I pray for me. I want to love you just like I want you to love me. I ask you to join me just like I want to join you. And dare I say with climate change, how much longer do we really have before the icebergs melt away and there won’t be no more THAT deep to get to? No time like now, right? Now is often enough all we really got!
Love and blessings and forgiveness and amends always, dear friends!
-Timothy J. Verret