I want to talk about abuse approval. I want to talk about abuse. I know this is a topic that no one cares to talk about, but I have to talk about it because I need the healing that comes from talking about it. I also need to “come clean” that in talking about the abuse, I’m usually much more prone to talk about the torture rather than the triumph, but I am hoping and I am praying that I do find the triumph over the torture in this observation and expression of where my insides lead me.
Whenever I want to talk about a word like, “abuse,” even if I know what the word means, I still find myself looking it up to see what some man-made dictionary is calling it today. But I won’t do this now because if I say I know all about abuse, then I don’t need to look it up. And, on that note, words often show up for me in a dialogue. Someone is talking to someone else, and that someone else is wanting to understand why that someone said or did what he or she said or did.
SOMEONE: “I need to do this to you because I’m lonely and I need someone to dominate. So, you’re the one I chose because you are soft and gentle and you are beautiful, and this will make you feel so good and so special.”
SOMEONE ELSE: “What is he doing? I’m gonna leave my body now, so that it won’t be me.”
That’s sexual abuse.
SOMEONE: “You’re stupid! You’re ugly! You’ll never amount to anything! You are a waste of space! You are a good for nothing!” (you catch my drift?)
SOMEONE ELSE: “Wow! Why are they saying that to me? I have never said those things to myself. And, because I look up to you, you must be right….right?”
That’s emotional and verbal abuse.
SOMEONE (holding a hammer): “I need to do this to you because you’ve been bad. It’s the only way you will learn. This will hurt you as much as it hurts me.”
SOMEONE ELSE (lying on the ground): “I’m scared. I don’t want to get hit. It really hurts bad. Why is he doing this to me?”
That’s physical abuse.
And, right here, please know: That above dialogue from the “someone else” is from humans AND animals!!!! BOTH!!!!
Thank God, I never had to endure the physical abuse, as best as I can recollect. But that sexual and emotional and verbal abuse, you better believe I had to endure that. And it actually hurt way more than a hammer ever would. I know I have said this over and over again, but I think it always is worth repeating: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words hurt WAY MORE THAN THAT!!!!” It’s true. Ask anyone who has been abused emotionally, verbally, and/or physically, and they are likely to tell you that it was the emotional and verbal abuse that was the hardest to take.
So, without having to look up the word, “abuse,” this dialogue is compelling me to report that “abuse” is when someone tries to control someone else, someone tries to dominate someone else, and that someone does all this to the someone else because the someone is SOOOOO afraid of being not in control and not dominating because deep down inside, that someone knows just how rotten and deficient and weak they really are. The someone is hell bent on making sure someone else (anyone else) knows that they are in control and they have all the power and they have all the self-will they need to inflict their pain and their insecurities onto that someone else.
Can you say, “sick?” And I don’t have to look up at that word, either. I know what “sick” means. “Sick” is when someone does something to someone else to hurt them. That’s “sick!” And they say, “hurt people hurt people,” and that is the Almighty God Truth. Yes, indeed, do hurt people hurt people. Someone wants to inflict their “hurt” onto you, and it just ain’t fair and it just ain’t something the someone else has to take. Oh, No Sir Ree Bob, does the someone else have to take someone’s “mess.” That someone else has the right to stand up and say, “No! No more! You don’t get to put your “hurt” on me. You don’t get to put your “sick” in me. You don’t get to put none of that on and in me NO MORE!!!!”
That, right there and right here, is going to be my anthem for the someone else who is enduring someone’s trauma. Listen closely: “They don’t get to traumatize you NO MORE! You stand up, I tell you, YOU STAND UP! I’m a huge Barbra Streisand fan, so that song Barbra did with Donna Summer, ‘Enough is enough,’ was about a falling-apart relationship, but it really is my anthem to you that, yes, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! You don’t got to take that NO MORE! And if you got nowhere to go, no one to talk to, no one to feel what you feel, what you’re going through, then you contact me and you let me know what you need. You talk to me and you tell me what is going on, and I guarantee you I will find you help. I swear to you that I will do this for you. Because I know where you are, what you are going through, what is happening, because I have met you right where you are and I have listened to you and I have cared and I have empathized, and I did all that because I WENT THROUGH EXACTLY THAT!!!! The trauma I endured was all about going down the rabbit hole, even further than the rabbit could even go, an then I got ‘God-brought back’ from that deep hole to share what I learned and to share it with you and to give you what you need to get out of that same rabbit hole you are down in SOOOO deep. God got me out of it, and He’s gonna get you out of it, too. But, once again, if you need a hand or some leverage or even a call out down that hole with my voice saying, ‘I see you down there. I have NOT forgotten about you. I see you down there. Come up now and meet me. You can do this. I believe in you. I got you because God’s got you, and I do whatever God tells me to do, so we see you down there, we have not forgotten about you, and we are going to come and get you and bring you home!'”
4 Your Abuse Approval is a painting I did that started off as a “voice” for the approval-seeking of man that I often find myself in, but it turned on me to become about needing to be seen (approved) by you as far as the abuse/trauma I endured. The painting became, like above, an anthem for the abused, the hurt, the destitute, those someone else’s who need a voice and God allowing me to raise it up High.
I have a voice for animal welfare advocacy, for the voiceless, for the weak who are being dominated by man, and I also have a voice for human welfare advocacy, for the voiceless, for the weak who are being dominated by man. As I am quite fond of saying ALL THE TIME, I am BOTH!!!! I am BOTH!!!!
In case you don’t trust me to help you (and I TOTALLY get that), here are some resources that can help you:
THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE: 1-800-273-8255
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: 1-800-799-7233
THE NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE: 1-800-656-4673
Someone might not care but someone else does. I care and God cares. We really do!
Much love and many blessings and please “stand up tall,” because you were NEVER created to fall,
Timothy J. Verret